Once upon a time, there were three alpacas.
They lived on a farm and watched with interest as the humans built a distillery in front of them. The sign said GlenWyvis and sometimes a helicopter landed and took off nearby.
Once a year, the alpacas got a visit from a Kiwi called James. He travelled all the way from New Zealand to see them and brought some special clippers.
They were always very pleased to see James. It got hot in all that soft, fluffy wool. When the sun came out, as often happens in summertime in Dingwall, the animals gazed longingly down the glen to the Dingwall Canal and wished they could cool off.
James was very gentle with the alpacas and very quick to shear their wool. In no time at all, the newly naked Peruvians could gambol off into the rolling hills, feeling free and light as a feather.
John, the flying farmer with the helicopter, gathered up their discarded wool and bundled it into eco-friendly bags.
He put them in the boot of the electric car and drove over to Kiltarlity to see Shirley.
Shirley was like the good witch of the wool. She took the alpaca coats and spun them on her loom until they turned into long strings of yarn.
You have never felt a softer ball of yarn in your life.
Shirley and her friend Wendy, another wool wizard, made a pot of tea and knitted tiny little hats and scarves with the wool.
They were so tiny, they wouldn’t fit even the smallest baby’s head.
So John the flying farmer took them home to the farm and put them on his gin bottles to keep them warm.
Sometimes they would go missing and the humans suspected the Highland fairies were pinching them in the night.
If you would like to see the coziest gin bottles in all the land, head along to Loch Ness Knit Fest on 13-15 October. You can even buy your very own GlenWyvis gin bottle with a tiny hat and scarf.
Just keep them up high so the fairies can’t reach.